Chiropractors called in by Cricket IMC

In a bizarre twist of events the Guyana Government’s Interim Management Committee had to seek the services of numerous Chiropractors in and around Georgetown.

Rumors had been swirling for days of infighting among IMC-ers for positions in the organization; the position of Soup-drinker in chief although filled by a fat cat, is being contested by Buffondyal and Roger Sharper (or so he thinks).

The IMC were given a cupboard at the Guyana National Stadium as its “head office”, upon hearing this Office of the President staffer Kwame Mackoy said he had to visit as he likes heads.

The IMC meeting was both confusing and acrimonious as there was very little light and precious little space for the group to have its “FIRST AUSPICIOUS MEETING OF THE GRAND EXHALTED POOBAHS OF THE THIRD CLASS” meeting.

The first order of business was to persuade Clive to “move over or shift down”. Buffondyal opined that he was used to being addressed as “Mr.Chairman” and would like that to continue even if he was not elected chairman, Clive then made a joke about “Bufoon wanting upward mobility, but all he would get was an upward cut-ass if he did not sit down and shut he skunt” Kwame laughed loudest.

Mr. Malcom Peters then asked for a “hold-over loan of five thousand dollars”  as was the norm during his stint as Vice-president of the GCB.

The IMC voted to each slap Malcom for mentioning “they who shall not be named”, Kwame opted to slap Malcom on his posterior.

Mr. Roger (Sharper) Harper informed the meeting that he had again selected a team to play in the regional semis but was again made to look the horses ass by “Moriarity” , Kwame appeared mystified as to whom Harper was referring to and opined that “don’t bring Luncheon into this” , he was set straight by the others in the meeting.

Mr. Harper then went on to ask about being paid for his time spent at these meetings and training camps, he presented a bill for 20,000 usd for his time to date, Kwame then suggested they needed a lesson in “soup drinking” , Clive said he did not as he had vast experience and asked to leave the meeting early, he was excused.

What transpired next will remain shrouded in mystery as Kwame proceeded to give “soup drinking 101”.

Mr. Harper was treated for a crick in his neck, Buffondyal for a curvature of the spine and a severe case of hemorrhoids and Mr. Peters got a loan “write-off”.

Mark Harper was treated for injuries caused by jumping through a second floor window.

 The Chiropractors bill is awaiting payment along with those run up at Windjammer Hotel and elsewhere.

Taking the Biscuit!

In another of his historic judgments delivered by way of 65 pages of ramblings, The acting Chief Justice of Guyana cleared the way for Commissioner of Police (acting) to return to his job from which he was suspended.

Chief Justice Ian Chang on Thursday ruled that the Director of Public Prosecutions’ recommendation that Police Commissioner Henry Greene be charged with rape was irrational. Chang read out his 65 page decision to a packed courtroom consisting of lawyers, reporters and members of women’s rights groups.
In December last year, a 33-year-old mother of two alleged that Greene raped her after she had sought his assistance in a police matter that she was engaged in.
But the Chief Justice in his ruling, said that “while the complainant did set out circumstances which unequivocally point to Greene’s commission of the offence of rape against her, it strains one’s credulity to believe that she, succumbing to verbal pressure and any threatening conduct by Greene, came out of a car and entered the hotel room without seeking to run away or escape from Greene, even though he had expressly made clear to her his intention of having sexual intercourse with her”.
Chang said that after the two left the hotel and were driving in the car, Greene was talking to her as though they were lovers. The Chief Justice said that the question must be asked “why would the applicant soon after assaulting and having forcible intercourse with the complainant speak to her as though they were lovers?”
More questions were raised, when Greene asked if she was hungry. According to the complainant in her statement, Greene then drove to Regent Street opposite Guyoil Gas Station where persons were selling food. At his request, the woman exited the vehicle and went to find out what was being sold. She returned and told Greene that “Chowmein and pepper pot” were being sold.  According to her statement, she said that she went back purchased the two boxes of food and returned to the vehicle.
Chief Justice said that surely her conduct in this “ex post facto” event can hardly be viewed as the conduct of a distressed victim of violence and rape as she “eat the chowmien” then in a most bizarre twist, The CJ revealed he had been buggered as a boy by a larger fellow and had a feeling it was not right, but after the cruel buggering the larger boy had given him a biscuit, he stated “after eating the biscuit I no longer felt violated despite the pain in my anus”.

He advised so-called victims to be taken seriously they had to have at least one gunshot wound or knife wound to show for their ordeal, he warned them against taking food from the “friend” as they would often see this as a sign they “could repeat the act and really damage your anus”.

The CJ also stated that “triskets are not just for kids”.